June 17, 2021

Alabama County Re-Named After Trump

There is a place, fellow Trumpers, where you can go and not have to worry about seeing a liberal for miles.

According to the new country charter, established in 2021, “Trump County” Alabama is a place for those who believe in the dream and support the agenda of Donald J. Trump.

Can you imagine a place so magnificent?

According to the new county bylaws, Trump County will be an open and welcome place to all true Americans, meaning no liberals, Democrats, socialists, communists, atheists, Muslims, or anyone else but God-fearing Judaeo-Christian worshipers and believers that our country was perfect in 1863.

The county seat runs on these simple rules:

  • Trump supporters only. If you don’t support the greatest president ever, go live somewhere else.
  • None of that “Christianity is about giving” crap. If you want a handout, go to California.
  • All citizens will arm themselves whenever in public to protect each other from gun violence.
  • To increase our numbers, first cousin marriages are allowed.
  • And also half-siblings, with proper documentation and a signed waiver.
  • No solar, wind, or hydroponical power. We burn oil, coal, and wood pellets here in Trump County.
  • Stepping on someone else’s land is grounds to be shot. Know your rights and responsibilities so we don’t need mandatory scope laws.
  • Sunday is God’s day, until football starts. Please stand for the national anthem at least once per season to show you love our troops.

It’s a pretty simple set of rules. The time has come to play by them. Good for you, trump County.

My family is looking forward to a stay the next time we get lost looking for the Andersonville Trail. We’re armed and will be wearing the standard hunter’s orange.

God bless Trump County and God Bless America.

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